NINE AND ELEVEN ARE STILL JUST TWO NUMBERS, OR GIBBERISH IF YOU SAY THEM TOGETHER FAST
It has been SIX years and we really need to shut the fuck up.
If Wikipedia is to be trusted we can count 2974 people dead and 24 still missing.
NEVER FORGET BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH ALHGAUHGH. When in actuality, we just had our membership card stamped and we joined the rich semi democratic nation club.
This shit happens world wide. And world wide, invasions don’t follow attacks like these.
You pathetic twats nodded vigorously, well, as vigorously as an invertebrate can nod, and allowed strong rhetoric and false patriotism to scare you into playing a career protection game. THIS SHOULD HAVE BEEN A GAME OF “FIRST ONE TO SLAP HIS BALLS ON THE TABLE GETS TO BE PRESIDENT” Gravel put those away. YOU COULD HAVE YELLED LOUDLY AND SAID “THIS IS INSANITY, YOU CANNOT EQUATE TERRORISM AND NATIONS” and I know why you idiots didn’t do this, because you allow the media to frame you, you allow the republicans to fill out your rhetoric sheets and you let the general tone be set before you said a word. Standing there like Hamlet’s father WHEN YOU SEE A NATION GOING TO WAR FOR NO APPARENT REASON, WHEN THE AVERAGE DUMBASS KNEW THERE WERE NO WMDS, YOU THOUGHT ABOUT 08 BEFORE YOU THOUGHT ABOUT PEOPLES LIVES.
Now you get to earn 08. You have in front of you an endless buffet of incompetence, fear mongering rhetoric that is so thinly veiled its almost hilarious. THEY ACTUALLY SAID MUSHROOM CLOUD. And you applauded. Guess what you pathetic bunch of re election focused dick holes, none of you understand what really getting pissed off would do for you, and its sad.
Yell. Come out and tear shit down. Stop saying “well the republican center is here, so we can go plus or minus three strong words from their position” no. stop. You are staring a nation thirsty for real rhetoric. Real, honest to god politics. They don’t even know it yet.
Fucking lose it. Go on fox news and take off the gauntlets. John Stewart ripping into the crossfire guys was amazing, if you add up all the views for all the versions on youtube you are looking at millions. He came back a hero, the one person who wasn’t willing to play this insanity “hardball” shit and people loved it. It was delicious to see someone who didn’t buy into the crap.
SIDEBAR:
Do you remember that freshman girl in college who could have actually been really fucking hot if she would just think for herself? Definitely bright with potential but instead it was KAPPA KAPPA GAMMA WOOOO. This is the democratic party, sucking dick and playing beer pong instead of telling the status quo to fuck itself and graduating sigma cum laude.
Millions of people who want to hear a talking spin head to be told SHUT THE FUCK UP PEOPLE DIE EVERY DAY AND YOU DON’T TELL IT LIKE IT IS.
Do you have the slightest idea what this could do? WHY ARE YOU ALL ACTING LIKE 2012 IS IN THE BACK OF YOUR MIND?
FUCKING THROW DOWN. YELL AT SOMEONE. GET ON THE “TOO HOT FOR CSPAN” TAPE. I DON’T FUCKING CARE BUT JESUS CHRIST WE ARE NOW SIX YEARS OLDER AND CERTAINLY NOT SIX YEARS FUCKING WISER.
Dodd, glad you could be awake for this.
WHY DIDN'T ANYBODY SAY LOUDLY “THIS IS INSANE, NATIONS DON’T PERPETRATE TERRORIST ACTS, PEOPLE DO. HOW ABOUT WE LOOK FOR THE DUDES BEHIND THIS. YEAH THAT SOUNDS GOOD”
Instead you whimpered like a fat kid in PE on pool day.
WHY ARE YOU STILL TALKING ABOUT IRAQ LIKE IT MAKES SENSE? HAVE YOU THOUGHT ABOUT SAYING ON CAMERA “NO, SERIOUSLY, WHY ARE WE THERE? I DON’T REALLY GET IT”
MORE AMERICANS HAVE DIED IN IRAQ THAN IN THE TERRORIST ATTACK NOW.
THAT’S RIGHT. YOU ACTUALLY HAVE THE NUMBERS ON YOUR SIDE NOW AND YOU DON’T FUCKING USE THEM. FOR PEOPLE WHO ATTENDED AMAZING SCHOOLS YOU WOULD THINK YOU COULD UNDERSTAND THE > SYMBOL.
Did you guys even listen to the shit that hit tony blair over this? Go to youtube now. Take notes. You will notice that the CONSERVATIVE party tore the LIBERAL party a new asshole over the COMPLETELY UNNECESSARY WAR.
NOW I WANT YOU TO CALL THE FIRST PARLIAMENTARY MEMBER YOU CAN FIND “when the ira bombed you, which country did you invade?” TRY HARD TO NOT PEE ON YOURSELF WHEN HE TELLS YOU.
THE NEXT PERSON TO SAY NINELEVEN WITHOUT QUICKLY FOLLOWING WITH “HAS BEEN USED LIKE A CHEAP HYPNOTIST'S WATCH” I SHOOT IN THE KNEECAP AND POOP IN THE WOUND.
Monday, September 17, 2007
Tuesday, September 4, 2007
THE ONE SLIDE POWERPOINT TO VICTORY
The cartoonist who could be president
Because this man
(If you are a candidate stare at this like it is a magic eye. You might get the joke)
Could defeat the democrats in any debate.
It's a strategy any intellectually flaccid person can employ, I try to use it three times before lunch every day.
Step 1: compare situation to something else, the further reaching the better
Step 2: argue your point from the gross oversimplification
Step 3: win
Lets try it shall we?
The Iraq war is like pizza.
People sure love pizza.
I WIN. CHECK AND MATE.
This is my favorite part. The democrats don't seem to know what to do here. First they flail at this notion that the pizza example might be a bit too simple, but the first need to form an exploratory committee. Then they will try to argue the same point backwards.
Observe:
me: The Iraq war is like pizza
Obama: Ok, well then its like pizza with snakes on it.
me: Idiot, pizzas don't have snakes.
SOMETIMES WINNING ALL THE TIME IS BORING.
Back to the picture.
The first response is usually something along the lines of
I DISAGREE *dorky snort* if the Iraq war is a football game where 2.36 people die every day and that goes on for four years and change without any real point system and thus clearly your metaphor is flawed and might I suggest a sigma coefficient of 2.39 instead of …….
You already lost. Stop playing on their turf. They picked that example because they can win.
How to win:
Step 1: locate testicles (you too, Hillary)
Step 2: say big words
Step 3: don't over simplify.
YOU MAY NOTICE THAT THESE SEEM TO BE A RECURRING THEME ALREADY. IF YOU NOTICED THIS, YOU ARE NOT A DEMOCRATIC CANDIDATE.
INSTEAD TRY:
Comparing the war to a football game is a disgrace, to even suggest Americans giving their lives is a game I find in the poorest of taste. I cannot find a fitting metaphor for the horrific situation our young men and women die in every day. We have been lied to and as a result have sent brave souls into a nation that has been pinned together by oppression and is now descending into a religious based civil war. This, dear sir, has no athletic metaphor, it is simply the greatest military movement based on the fewest true facts to date. The only thing accurate in your metaphor is the fact that the opposition has had to sit in the stands for so long but that ends today.
FUCK ME, I NOW OWN MY OPPONENT'S BALLS. NOW HE LOOKS STUPID FOR COMPARING IT TO A GAME. I WAS ABLE TO SHOW HE DISRESPECTS THE TROOPS (THE YELLOW RIBBONS SAY THAT'S BAD) AND I LOOK LIKE I MIGHT ACTUALLY FUCKING UNDERSTAND WHY SHIT'S SO TERRIBLE OVER THERE. NOT ONLY THAT , THE LAST LINE MAKES IT SOUND LIKE YOU ACTUALLY INTEND TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT (WHICH MIGHT GET YOU KICKED OUT OF THE DEMOCRATIC PARTY)
ARE YOU FUCKING LISTENING TO ME? DODD AWAKE? fuck my bad again.
Because this man
(If you are a candidate stare at this like it is a magic eye. You might get the joke)
Could defeat the democrats in any debate.
It's a strategy any intellectually flaccid person can employ, I try to use it three times before lunch every day.
Step 1: compare situation to something else, the further reaching the better
Step 2: argue your point from the gross oversimplification
Step 3: win
Lets try it shall we?
The Iraq war is like pizza.
People sure love pizza.
I WIN. CHECK AND MATE.
This is my favorite part. The democrats don't seem to know what to do here. First they flail at this notion that the pizza example might be a bit too simple, but the first need to form an exploratory committee. Then they will try to argue the same point backwards.
Observe:
me: The Iraq war is like pizza
Obama: Ok, well then its like pizza with snakes on it.
me: Idiot, pizzas don't have snakes.
SOMETIMES WINNING ALL THE TIME IS BORING.
Back to the picture.
The first response is usually something along the lines of
I DISAGREE *dorky snort* if the Iraq war is a football game where 2.36 people die every day and that goes on for four years and change without any real point system and thus clearly your metaphor is flawed and might I suggest a sigma coefficient of 2.39 instead of …….
You already lost. Stop playing on their turf. They picked that example because they can win.
How to win:
Step 1: locate testicles (you too, Hillary)
Step 2: say big words
Step 3: don't over simplify.
YOU MAY NOTICE THAT THESE SEEM TO BE A RECURRING THEME ALREADY. IF YOU NOTICED THIS, YOU ARE NOT A DEMOCRATIC CANDIDATE.
INSTEAD TRY:
Comparing the war to a football game is a disgrace, to even suggest Americans giving their lives is a game I find in the poorest of taste. I cannot find a fitting metaphor for the horrific situation our young men and women die in every day. We have been lied to and as a result have sent brave souls into a nation that has been pinned together by oppression and is now descending into a religious based civil war. This, dear sir, has no athletic metaphor, it is simply the greatest military movement based on the fewest true facts to date. The only thing accurate in your metaphor is the fact that the opposition has had to sit in the stands for so long but that ends today.
FUCK ME, I NOW OWN MY OPPONENT'S BALLS. NOW HE LOOKS STUPID FOR COMPARING IT TO A GAME. I WAS ABLE TO SHOW HE DISRESPECTS THE TROOPS (THE YELLOW RIBBONS SAY THAT'S BAD) AND I LOOK LIKE I MIGHT ACTUALLY FUCKING UNDERSTAND WHY SHIT'S SO TERRIBLE OVER THERE. NOT ONLY THAT , THE LAST LINE MAKES IT SOUND LIKE YOU ACTUALLY INTEND TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT (WHICH MIGHT GET YOU KICKED OUT OF THE DEMOCRATIC PARTY)
ARE YOU FUCKING LISTENING TO ME? DODD AWAKE? fuck my bad again.
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