Thursday, November 6, 2008

GOD DAMMIT SAN FRAN

way to go. gays can't marry and if you had brought it up TODAY we could have bled even more money out of utah, turned it into more of an issue, and had even more time to get dumbshit anti gay people on tv saying "i hate dem queermosexuals" this is the kind of movement that GAINS support over time because once you get people to actually think about it, they quietly vote against their parishioner. Nobody can learn to hate gays in that short period of time.

you people are so fucking eager you lost all sense of strategy. way to fucking go dumbshits.

Well Done Barack

well done.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

OH I LOVES ME SOME SELF RIGHTEOUSNESS

So, of the 3 people who have linked to this I had someone comment on JUST HOW WRONG I AM, and he damn near did a godwin.

While I do want to give this guy a hug for being a democrat to the bone, I want to use his comments to illustrate exactly WHY I AM SO FUCKING TIRED OF THIS BULLSHIT.

I understand he is not representative of the average democratic party member, his sentence structure is too complex.
If we wait to do any good thing until it does not galvanize the wingnuts, we will never do that thing. In this case, the good thing is the establishment of legal safeguards for a basic human right. Did we let, say, George Wallace decide when African Americans were allowed to participate fully in American society? No, of course not. Why should this be any different?
While I admire the fact you clearly read one of my previous posts, I am going to have to stop you right there. Don't retreat to a vaguely parallel argument and argue from there, it is intellectually flaccid and simply not a valid avenue of discussion. Civil Rights was its own beast and while minorities in both cases are involved, the gap is simply too large.

I am talking about a set of judges who could have AT ANY TIME reviewed this ruling instead allowed the enticing concept of judicial activism to take over, and here we are 2008 and making headlines. I will also point out that the previous ruling of this sort occurred in Massachusetts in 2004 DO YOU SEE A FUCKING PATTERN OCCURRING.
I received a list email this week from a local Democratic political consultant who says Obama will lose the election for Democrats because there are too many people who will never vote for an African American. I disagree strongly with this man, but suppose hypothetically that he is right: where are our obligations? and what would the effect be of not nominating Sen. Obama because he is Black?
Again with the parallel argument. BLACK PEOPLE ARE NOT HOMOSEXUALS, JUST BECAUSE THEY ARE BOTH MINORITIES DOES NOT ALLOW YOU TO FREELY COMPARE THE TWO GROUPS, IN FACT I AM PRETTY SURE THEY ARE BOTH FUCKING TIRED OF IT IF I HAD TO GUESS.

There is a difference between moral obligations and exploiting a hot topic in order to frame the talking points. This is divisive and smells like politics, just because it happens to actually be the right thing to do does not make it politics
I think you see where I'm going with this: we cannot forsake our obligation to do the right thing because it is inconvenient or even painful in the short term. The same is true of gay marriage. Will establishing same-sex marriage galvanize the wingnuts? It does not matter: we must advocate it anyway, if we wish to be able to look at ourselves in the mirror.
Now I respect that you have a very nice looking horse there but I am going to have to ask you to get off. That was a really nice line for a speech but I need you to put on your thinking cap and realize when you are being yanked around by some self serving politics. Gay marriage is OBVIOUSLY the right thing to do, but just because some asshat in an election year says "jump I have a good cause" does not mean you need to reply "how high"

i hate you all

Euler

Monday, May 19, 2008

GOD FUCKING DAMMIT CALIFORNIA

Yes, gays ARE awesome. We know this. Fuck, even the GOP likes Elton John. However I am still required to say : GOD FUCKING DAMMIT CALIFORNIA.

WE TRIED THIS. DOES ANYONE REMEMBER 2004? ANYBODY? YOU HAVE GIVEN THE GOP SO MUCH CONSERVATIVE TRACTION NOBODY IS GOING TO CARE THAT WE SPEND THE GDP OF ECUADOR EVERY FUCKING DAY IN IRAQ.

WHO IS PUTTING A DICK IN WHAT IS THE LAST FUCKING THING THIS COUNTRY NEEDS TO WORRY ABOUT. (NOBODY CARES EXCEPT FOR THE REPRESSED HOMOSEXUALS ANYWAY)

I am for man and fruit marriages, despite the famous case of Johnson V Cantaloupe when Johnson was required to pay alimony to a CANTALOUPE.

So since i am such a problem solving visionary we are going to fix this schoolyard style. NEXT ONE TO BRING UP SAME SEX MARRIAGES IS A FAGGY FAGGY GAY WAD DICK BUTT.

There. Shut up you smoke screen running economy ruining love hating truth hiding red state tax avoiding economy draining coors lite chugging bastards. you are truly BASTARDS for judging love between any fruit and vegetable. If a pygmy moth wanted to marry a cauliflower you would let it happen if it meant profits you sycophantic corporate sluts. I hope someone goes V for Vendetta on your asses.

Still now that I have some of the shouting out of my system, California, sit down. You have the best of intentions but why they always happen to surface every four years is making me scratch my head a little. You could have tried this a while ago before a critical election was on the horizon and you could have made your point when superdelegates were not getting so many superblowjobs since they are supercitizens who make superdecisions that outweigh us. Remember, even though it is popular does not make it the right thing to do.

I am sure I will be called a centrist, or receive new hatemail from the "True Left" (seriously keep it coming you hilarious wanna be communists but are too busy smoking weed to care about anything but a blog, really, your opinion matters to me)

The simple fact is I LIKE TO WIN. And, since the people who are really going to get pissed about this post are the ones who are still stoned and just got up from a three's company marathon I will break down the situation for you: The economy is fucking tanking, and unless we hold the bastards who did this to THE ECONOMY (oh fuck i didn't even talk about the brave young and women who are being killed for no fucking reason) THE ECONOMY is going to take a good part of America's tough as nails hold on with your teeth fuck your credit card offer middle class with it. Congratulations you just founded a caste system, don't you feel like a fuck.

Hugs are great, but you sissies want to make it a central item of conversation for an election BAD FUCKING IDEA. HOW ABOUT WE ARGUE USING THE ECONOMY THAT THE GOP RAN INTO THE GROUND LIKE AN EARLY 90s FAD. THE ECONOMY HAS NUMBERS TO BACK ITSELF UP AND UNLESS YOU CAN GIVE ME AN EQUATION THAT READS

Same sex marriages = happy fun time
happy fun time = increase in consumer confidence

I DO NOT FUCKING CARE, BRING IT UP IN A YEAR NOT DIVISIBLE BY 4.

Monday, December 17, 2007

Monday, September 17, 2007

Instead try : FUCK YOUR SPIN ZONE, PEOPLE ARE GETTING KILLED

NINE AND ELEVEN ARE STILL JUST TWO NUMBERS, OR GIBBERISH IF YOU SAY THEM TOGETHER FAST

It has been SIX years and we really need to shut the fuck up.

If Wikipedia is to be trusted we can count 2974 people dead and 24 still missing.

NEVER FORGET BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH ALHGAUHGH. When in actuality, we just had our membership card stamped and we joined the rich semi democratic nation club.

This shit happens world wide. And world wide, invasions don’t follow attacks like these.

You pathetic twats nodded vigorously, well, as vigorously as an invertebrate can nod, and allowed strong rhetoric and false patriotism to scare you into playing a career protection game. THIS SHOULD HAVE BEEN A GAME OF “FIRST ONE TO SLAP HIS BALLS ON THE TABLE GETS TO BE PRESIDENT” Gravel put those away. YOU COULD HAVE YELLED LOUDLY AND SAID “THIS IS INSANITY, YOU CANNOT EQUATE TERRORISM AND NATIONS” and I know why you idiots didn’t do this, because you allow the media to frame you, you allow the republicans to fill out your rhetoric sheets and you let the general tone be set before you said a word. Standing there like Hamlet’s father WHEN YOU SEE A NATION GOING TO WAR FOR NO APPARENT REASON, WHEN THE AVERAGE DUMBASS KNEW THERE WERE NO WMDS, YOU THOUGHT ABOUT 08 BEFORE YOU THOUGHT ABOUT PEOPLES LIVES.

Now you get to earn 08. You have in front of you an endless buffet of incompetence, fear mongering rhetoric that is so thinly veiled its almost hilarious. THEY ACTUALLY SAID MUSHROOM CLOUD. And you applauded. Guess what you pathetic bunch of re election focused dick holes, none of you understand what really getting pissed off would do for you, and its sad.

Yell. Come out and tear shit down. Stop saying “well the republican center is here, so we can go plus or minus three strong words from their position” no. stop. You are staring a nation thirsty for real rhetoric. Real, honest to god politics. They don’t even know it yet.

Fucking lose it. Go on fox news and take off the gauntlets. John Stewart ripping into the crossfire guys was amazing, if you add up all the views for all the versions on youtube you are looking at millions. He came back a hero, the one person who wasn’t willing to play this insanity “hardball” shit and people loved it. It was delicious to see someone who didn’t buy into the crap.

SIDEBAR:
Do you remember that freshman girl in college who could have actually been really fucking hot if she would just think for herself? Definitely bright with potential but instead it was KAPPA KAPPA GAMMA WOOOO. This is the democratic party, sucking dick and playing beer pong instead of telling the status quo to fuck itself and graduating sigma cum laude.

Millions of people who want to hear a talking spin head to be told SHUT THE FUCK UP PEOPLE DIE EVERY DAY AND YOU DON’T TELL IT LIKE IT IS.

Do you have the slightest idea what this could do? WHY ARE YOU ALL ACTING LIKE 2012 IS IN THE BACK OF YOUR MIND?

FUCKING THROW DOWN. YELL AT SOMEONE. GET ON THE “TOO HOT FOR CSPAN” TAPE. I DON’T FUCKING CARE BUT JESUS CHRIST WE ARE NOW SIX YEARS OLDER AND CERTAINLY NOT SIX YEARS FUCKING WISER.

Dodd, glad you could be awake for this.

WHY DIDN'T ANYBODY SAY LOUDLY “THIS IS INSANE, NATIONS DON’T PERPETRATE TERRORIST ACTS, PEOPLE DO. HOW ABOUT WE LOOK FOR THE DUDES BEHIND THIS. YEAH THAT SOUNDS GOOD”

Instead you whimpered like a fat kid in PE on pool day.

WHY ARE YOU STILL TALKING ABOUT IRAQ LIKE IT MAKES SENSE? HAVE YOU THOUGHT ABOUT SAYING ON CAMERA “NO, SERIOUSLY, WHY ARE WE THERE? I DON’T REALLY GET IT”

MORE AMERICANS HAVE DIED IN IRAQ THAN IN THE TERRORIST ATTACK NOW.

THAT’S RIGHT. YOU ACTUALLY HAVE THE NUMBERS ON YOUR SIDE NOW AND YOU DON’T FUCKING USE THEM. FOR PEOPLE WHO ATTENDED AMAZING SCHOOLS YOU WOULD THINK YOU COULD UNDERSTAND THE > SYMBOL.

Did you guys even listen to the shit that hit tony blair over this? Go to youtube now. Take notes. You will notice that the CONSERVATIVE party tore the LIBERAL party a new asshole over the COMPLETELY UNNECESSARY WAR.

NOW I WANT YOU TO CALL THE FIRST PARLIAMENTARY MEMBER YOU CAN FIND “when the ira bombed you, which country did you invade?” TRY HARD TO NOT PEE ON YOURSELF WHEN HE TELLS YOU.

THE NEXT PERSON TO SAY NINELEVEN WITHOUT QUICKLY FOLLOWING WITH “HAS BEEN USED LIKE A CHEAP HYPNOTIST'S WATCH” I SHOOT IN THE KNEECAP AND POOP IN THE WOUND.

Tuesday, September 4, 2007

THE ONE SLIDE POWERPOINT TO VICTORY

The cartoonist who could be president

Because this man

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
(If you are a candidate stare at this like it is a magic eye. You might get the joke)

Could defeat the democrats in any debate.

It's a strategy any intellectually flaccid person can employ, I try to use it three times before lunch every day.

Step 1: compare situation to something else, the further reaching the better
Step 2: argue your point from the gross oversimplification
Step 3: win

Lets try it shall we?

The Iraq war is like pizza.
People sure love pizza.
I WIN. CHECK AND MATE.

This is my favorite part. The democrats don't seem to know what to do here. First they flail at this notion that the pizza example might be a bit too simple, but the first need to form an exploratory committee. Then they will try to argue the same point backwards.

Observe:

me: The Iraq war is like pizza
Obama: Ok, well then its like pizza with snakes on it.
me: Idiot, pizzas don't have snakes.
SOMETIMES WINNING ALL THE TIME IS BORING.

Back to the picture.
The first response is usually something along the lines of

I DISAGREE *dorky snort* if the Iraq war is a football game where 2.36 people die every day and that goes on for four years and change without any real point system and thus clearly your metaphor is flawed and might I suggest a sigma coefficient of 2.39 instead of …….

You already lost. Stop playing on their turf. They picked that example because they can win.

How to win:
Step 1: locate testicles (you too, Hillary)
Step 2: say big words
Step 3: don't over simplify.
YOU MAY NOTICE THAT THESE SEEM TO BE A RECURRING THEME ALREADY. IF YOU NOTICED THIS, YOU ARE NOT A DEMOCRATIC CANDIDATE.

INSTEAD TRY:

Comparing the war to a football game is a disgrace, to even suggest Americans giving their lives is a game I find in the poorest of taste. I cannot find a fitting metaphor for the horrific situation our young men and women die in every day. We have been lied to and as a result have sent brave souls into a nation that has been pinned together by oppression and is now descending into a religious based civil war. This, dear sir, has no athletic metaphor, it is simply the greatest military movement based on the fewest true facts to date. The only thing accurate in your metaphor is the fact that the opposition has had to sit in the stands for so long but that ends today.

FUCK ME, I NOW OWN MY OPPONENT'S BALLS. NOW HE LOOKS STUPID FOR COMPARING IT TO A GAME. I WAS ABLE TO SHOW HE DISRESPECTS THE TROOPS (THE YELLOW RIBBONS SAY THAT'S BAD) AND I LOOK LIKE I MIGHT ACTUALLY FUCKING UNDERSTAND WHY SHIT'S SO TERRIBLE OVER THERE. NOT ONLY THAT , THE LAST LINE MAKES IT SOUND LIKE YOU ACTUALLY INTEND TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT (WHICH MIGHT GET YOU KICKED OUT OF THE DEMOCRATIC PARTY)

ARE YOU FUCKING LISTENING TO ME? DODD AWAKE? fuck my bad again.